his funeral is on Friday at 1pm and then he will be no more although he hasn't been much for the last few years anyway.
it's the second time somebody that close has died and neither has been in touch since they died so perhaps there's no afterlife after all.
how strange to start getting hit by the news when it was only to be expected. 'a healthy lifestyle and prosperity' is how i prefer to define the cause and i'm quoting Johnny aka Janek aka Dariusz Sztanderski Polska, guru starej łódzkiej załogi punkowej, przynajmniej zanim i jego zdrowy tryb życia i dobrobyt nie sponiewierał.
there are so many things i thought i didn't remember any more and they're all coming back, his funny sayings and comments, his not so funny disappearing act, his farewell words to me those ages ago, so much laugh and alcohol and cigarettes together and this inexplicable softness we had for each other. like the last but one time we met after several years and his trying to
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
Sunday, 26 September 2010
restlessness
I wish I had a good book to read so that I could enter sb else's life and avoid facing this restlessness. so many things that i might be doing but somehow none seems appealing at the moment. i start to have an intimation of the final understanding that at some point there's just no any other way but inside ... your mind, soul, whatever that is that you're supposed to get to and find some peace/understanding/calm. Supposedly meditation does it and I believe some of us need to accept ourselves just because we're there. Here.
inner journey as the ultimate way to happiness might also explain the inexplicable, at least to me, success, of that terrible, boring and so utterly useless book Eat, love and pray. Like - ok, i'm not the only one suffering from restlessness and not the only one whose love life is not always perfect. Wow sb wrote about it. I truly hated that book. And it's been made into a film. Why????? It's just rambling and rambling on. With a few trendy words inserted here and there: Yoga; monastery; meditation; sex. Still. I wish I hadn't read so much of it - as it is i nearly read it all feeling all the way through that i was wasting my time. I don't know why i bothered. I liked Julie & Julia a lot while reading it and then discovered how many people hated it saying negative things about Julie as sb who's nobody compared to Julia. Funnily enough after i'd spent 2 days watching Julia Child on YouTube I somehow wasn't so impressed with Julie any more. And yet, she's got quite a following.
When I read such books I'm surprised there's so much of me in those other people but at the same time i find this me as shown by them is rather pathetic. Like, ok, what kind of book is this? I could write such a book. Ha. But i haven't. But me and other readers might be feeling it's just the matter of time before our blog/book/video acquires this sort of recognition as, after all, we feel we're not much different from Julie or that woman who wrote that rubbish book. We can equally relentlessly ramble on about our life being devoid of meaning and perhaps already wasted, with so many of those prodigies around making us feel like failures. All walks of life and all those young geniuses becoming such successess. Or maybe not geniuses at all.
At least Stephen Fry is older. Well, perhaps not the best person to think about if you don't want to feel inadequate. Brilliant, witty, charming, funny and so British. I do love Mr Stephen Fry.
inner journey as the ultimate way to happiness might also explain the inexplicable, at least to me, success, of that terrible, boring and so utterly useless book Eat, love and pray. Like - ok, i'm not the only one suffering from restlessness and not the only one whose love life is not always perfect. Wow sb wrote about it. I truly hated that book. And it's been made into a film. Why????? It's just rambling and rambling on. With a few trendy words inserted here and there: Yoga; monastery; meditation; sex. Still. I wish I hadn't read so much of it - as it is i nearly read it all feeling all the way through that i was wasting my time. I don't know why i bothered. I liked Julie & Julia a lot while reading it and then discovered how many people hated it saying negative things about Julie as sb who's nobody compared to Julia. Funnily enough after i'd spent 2 days watching Julia Child on YouTube I somehow wasn't so impressed with Julie any more. And yet, she's got quite a following.
When I read such books I'm surprised there's so much of me in those other people but at the same time i find this me as shown by them is rather pathetic. Like, ok, what kind of book is this? I could write such a book. Ha. But i haven't. But me and other readers might be feeling it's just the matter of time before our blog/book/video acquires this sort of recognition as, after all, we feel we're not much different from Julie or that woman who wrote that rubbish book. We can equally relentlessly ramble on about our life being devoid of meaning and perhaps already wasted, with so many of those prodigies around making us feel like failures. All walks of life and all those young geniuses becoming such successess. Or maybe not geniuses at all.
At least Stephen Fry is older. Well, perhaps not the best person to think about if you don't want to feel inadequate. Brilliant, witty, charming, funny and so British. I do love Mr Stephen Fry.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)